Sober Curious?
Sober Curious?
“It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
How sobriety has changed my health and my life.
2 years- 7/13/2023
Last week I celebrated 2 years of sobriety. 2 years of living life in the here and now, no more masking. A milestone I am really proud of. Brene Brown says, “Sobriety is not a limitation, sobriety is a superpower.” I really believe it. It’s my superpower.
I had my first drink at 14, in 8th grade. Something about the way it made me feel, so free from the pain in my life, that alcohol had me at the first sip. Little did I know it would be something I clung to for over 30 years to deal with the bad, the good, the happy, the sad, the celebrations, and all the other aspects of life.
I have never had anyone tell me I have a drinking problem. In fact, everyone always told me I didn’t have a drinking problem…because I asked. My life appeared functional and productive. So to the people in my life, it didn’t look like there was a problem. Yet, there was a still small voice telling me I did.
It was something I thought about daily, questioned, and researched. What I have learned is that people who don’t have a drinking problem, don’t think about having a drinking problem daily. And I thought about it ALL the time. As soon as I woke up, I was telling myself there was no way I would drink today. By noon, I was thinking, I will just have one today. No later than 5:00, I was pouring my first glass. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Daily, the cycle continued for years.
It took me years to really accept that alcohol was the problem. I mean, why would it be? It is so socially acceptable, it’s everywhere. Alcohol is at kid’s birthday parties, mommy wine nights, dates nights, girl’s nights, dinner parties, and luncheons, it’s everywhere. It was EVERYWHERE in my life.
I thought I was good at hiding it…but when I look back on the damage that was happening in my relationships, the bad cycles that would never stop, the roller coaster of emotions, the constant anxiety and shame, I can clearly see there was a problem.
The words of Richard Rohr spoke deeply to me. “What the ego hates more than anything else in the world is to change- even when the present situation is not working or horrible. Instead, we do more and more of what does not work. The reason we do anything more than one time is because the last time did not really satisfy us deeply.
So I finally did the work. It wasn’t easy to break the patterns and take a look inside the emotions and feelings I had been hiding with alcohol. But it was so worth it.
I have learned so much about myself in these last 2 years, it’s like a rebirth. I have learned to take one day at a time, not just with alcohol but with life in general and all the things that are out of my control…which is A LOT. I have learned to be present in the moment. I have learned how to process the trauma, the pain, and my emotions, one day at a time. I have learned how to really live and to live present.
My hope in sharing this is to start the conversation. And to maybe help continue the way we talk about sobriety and recovery. I also share this in hopes that I can help someone who feels like they might be giving alcohol too much space in their thoughts and life.
So if you are sober curious, I am here and I would love to tell you about my new superpower.
- 7/13/2023… my 1st 2 years and counting
Chrysalis Method
Chrysalis Method
richellecannonwellness@gmail.com
